How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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