I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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