If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
