I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
