hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize