I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
