That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
