Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
