im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
