bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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