I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
