Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
