Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
