Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
