She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
