He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
