I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize