dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
