i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
