This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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