Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
