Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You made out with two different species that night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize