i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
