We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
