I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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