You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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