with your own penis?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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