i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
