College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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