Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
