I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
