I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
