I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He did a backflip because drugs
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