If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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