She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
