This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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