we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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