Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He has the fingertips of a God
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