my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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