seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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