We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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