i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
