you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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