Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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