what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
