she smelled like a LAN party
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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