Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
