Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
