Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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