I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
