I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
