There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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