im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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