How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
