Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
