I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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