I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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