He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
