We named our party play list daddy issues
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vagina just clenched in fear
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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