I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
