Me. At least after what I've been through.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just threw up on my dentist
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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