Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
