Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
