I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
