But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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