If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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