if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
