The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
