So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
