YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
