dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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