I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
