It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Alive.
So much puke
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
