never play flip cup with pint glasses
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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