Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
