His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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