The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
