As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Life is so much better after having sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
