Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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