Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i drank out of a bidet.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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